So drunk its hurt
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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