Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
