Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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