Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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