Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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