it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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