Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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