first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
