Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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