So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
