You smell like a Billy Joel song
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you will always have a special place in my vag
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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