Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
