she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
