so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
