watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
