Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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