pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
