I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
