It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
