dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
