we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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