beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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