MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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