FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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