gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
