Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
