and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
