I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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