i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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