yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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