Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
