I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
