pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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