Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
