I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
