Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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