Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Of course I have a pirate flag
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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