Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
