I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
