I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
