omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she woke up with a sticky ear
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
