There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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