i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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