I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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