Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
