i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
