You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
