What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
