I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
