I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
