fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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