She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
