I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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